Goals – Motivating or Cringy?
I’m a goal-oriented person. I love the satisfaction of checking items off my “to do” list. Goals motivate me to achieve new and exciting opportunities, like recently becoming a group fitness instructor. Achievement boosts confidence, self-discovery, and connection to inspiring people and places.
I also feel the cringy side of goals. Goals have become synonymous with striving, hustling, and controlling for perfect outcomes. Self-improvement culture says be fitter, smarter, wealthier, happier and then you will be okay. Of course, the human experience is more complex. We can’t goal our way out of emotional pain, or the parts of ourselves we don’t like.
I think a middle ground is necessary.
Goals Don’t Have to be a Dirty Word – Redefining Goals
I see goals as tools for creating joyful and satisfying life experiences.
Goals are portals to expressing your gifts and authenticity. There is nothing you have to be, do, or prove.
“I am whole and complete as I am and I am always expanding into more.”
Let that sink in. You already have what it takes to grow!
How is this perspective similar or different from your experience?
Do you approach goals with curiosity, openness, discovery, confidence, and growth? Or with fear, resistance, frustration, learned helplessness, and feelings of failure?
Are they YOUR goals? Goals are actions based on personal wants, needs, and values; not what is trending or what you think you should do. You are more likely to enjoy the goal process when you experience the activity as something you get to do, rather than have to do.
Start with Values First
Before jumping into goal setting, I first ask my clients, what’s matters most to you right now? What does your current challenge tell you about what you want? How do you want to show up today?
Your values are what you care about and what you stand for. Your values determine your life direction and your goals help you act.
For example, if you want to be a loving and patient partner (value), your goal might be to actively listen, look at your partner and pause when they are done talking (rather than interrupt). To help you practice active listening skills, your goal could be to check-in with your partner about their day, before bed each night for 10 minutes, or on Sundays when you have more time. After one month, you can evaluate if this activity is helping you connect with your partner, and ask your partner if they felt heard during the check-ins and in your daily interactions. You may decide to continue or adjust your goal based on your experiences over the last month. Goals are a work in progress.
Determining “your why” gives your goal purpose, and has been shown to increase motivation, especially during setbacks.
Summing Up My Goal Philosophy
1. Goals are tools for creating joyful and satisfying experiences, discovering your interests, and expressing your gifts.
2. Goals are committed actions aligned with your values.
3. Goals are uniquely specific to you at this present time.
Next Steps
Let’s say you are motivated and positively oriented toward your goal. You set a specific, measurable, action oriented, realistic, and timely (SMART) goal and begin to implement your plan…and then bam, a barrier sets you back! An illness, an emotionally draining conflict, a schedule change, busyness, and so on. This is when the struggle starts to happen for most people. Fears and doubts kick in or intensify.
If this resonates, check out my next blog about the 4 Common Barriers to Change (coming soon). You will learn specific strategies for overcoming each barrier, so you can keep persisting, or at least determine the next right action for you.
If you need a deeper exploration into your particular challenge, I got you. This Fall, I am offering individual coaching sessions that will help you:
Clearly define your stuck points
Set meaningful goals so you can participate in valued roles and activities
Develop a specific action plan you can start implementing right away
Build your autonomy, confidence, and ability to find solutions to everyday challenges
This program is based on my 17 years of experience in occupational therapy and training in Occupational Performance Coaching (OPC) by Dr. Dorothy Kessler at Queen’s University. I will guide you through a specific structure and open-ended questions, so you can work through your barriers and put your goals into action. Worksheets included. Special pricing Oct 1-Dec 20, 2024 only.