4 Common Barriers to Change in the Goal Process and What You Can Do About It
Welcome back for part 2 of the goal series!
You might have ideas about what you want to change, perhaps a personality trait, how you spend your time, or who you surround yourself with.
I often see the same stuck points in the change process that emerge as barriers to progress (usually in the form of self-limiting beliefs). If you know your stuck points, you can notice the patterns sooner and course correct without the drama.
I find it most helpful to identify stuck points before setting goals, especially if the goal has already been tried and not lead to desired outcomes in the past.
The 4 Common Barriers to Change listed below are not exhaustive. We can jump back and forth between these barriers in any given situation or phase in the goal process. Choose a strategy that resonates most with you in order to move forward with your goal.
Grab a journal and pen and allow yourself time to answer the reflection questions below, or have a first read and return later.
Do these 4 Common Barriers to Change sound familiar to you? Are you in any of these stuck points currently?
1. I don’t know what I want. I have no idea what to do.
Overwhelm, exhaustion, confusion, and low mood makes it hard to see possibilities. You might be aware of your challenges; however, solutions seem cloudy and inaccessible. You don’t know which path to take.
Strategies to gain clarity on what you want:
Do a variety of activities to help regulate the nervous system such as: rest, quiet time, digital detox, mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, yoga, walking in nature. Did you know it takes 20-30 minutes for cortisol (a stress hormone) to drop in nature? Mother nature is medicine.
Journal: What currently happens? How do you want things to be instead?
Identify your values: What is most important to you right now?
Talk to a trusted person or therapist
These activities will help you connect with your inner knowing and wisdom, so you can envision what you want and gain clarity on your next step.
2. I know what I want, but I can’t have it.
Usually served with anger, sprinkles of blame, and/or deep helplessness; in this state of mind, autonomy can feel chained up and locked away.
Here’s a question that almost immediately gives me relief. Is that 100% true (that you can’t have what you want)? What makes you sure about that?
Maybe you can’t have exactly what you want with your current resources or abilities…then what choices remain? What’s the middle ground in your situation?
If you believe your goal is unachievable, you may try to convince yourself you are fine. After all, “that’s the way life is”, or “I’ll suck it up for one more year”. People diminish their needs and wants when they feel helpless to change their situation.
Perhaps what you want is out of your control, like making your boss nicer or your partner or children tidier around the house. In this case, how can you reframe the problem and set a goal that makes it more manageable for you? For example, developing your communication skills, or implementing calming techniques in moments of high stress and frustration.
There is usually action you can take to ease your suffering and bring you closer to fulfilment now, even in less than ideal circumstances. Envision alternative possibilities with an open heart and mind. Consider your everyday activities. What goal is within reach that you can try today, tomorrow, or next week?
3. I know what I need to do, but I’m not doing it.
There are many reasons we don’t do what we know is good for us. Rather than call it self-sabotage, ask yourself, what is no action protecting me from? For example, the fear of making a mistake, the fear of who you might become if you live out your goals, etc.?
If it’s a conscious decision to skip your goal, what thoughts, emotions, and sensations arise at that choice point?
Strategies to increase goal action:
Acknowledge any resistance, amotivation, or procrastination.
Explore unhelpful thoughts such as “I’m such a loser” or “I can’t do anything right”. Are you looking at all the evidence? What would you tell a friend in the same situation? Offer yourself compassion for this common struggle that is part of the human experience. Rather than identifying as a failure, ask yourself, what’s the opportunity? What is this experience teaching me?
Determine if your goal is a current priority. Is your goal right for you at this time? If not, choose another goal that is more important and impactful to your life now.
When you want the goal, but lack motivation to start, spend a few minutes visualizing your future self. What will happen if you don’t attempt your goal? How will you feel than? What’s the impact of no action? Be truthful and non-judgmental. Consider what’s harder for you – the effort it takes to participate in your goal, or the probable consequence of no action? If you can live with the impact relatively satisfied, perhaps let go of the goal for now and move on with grace.
Consider starting with an easier goal to build your confidence, gradually adding more challenge with success.
If you forget to integrate your goal into your daily routine, use a calendar, alarms, and checklists to stay on track.
Writing your goal out daily has been shown to increase the chances of doing the behaviour.
What would make your goal more fun and enjoyable?
What rewards at certain milestones could encourage you to keep going?
4. I keep trying and I get nowhere.
I feel you! For most of us, progress is slower than expected. If you face barriers at every effort, it’s extremely frustrating. Thoughts of quitting arise.
Frustration and mistakes are part of the learning process. A reasonable amount of persistence is required for goal achievement.
However, in some cases, it may be time to redefine your goal or pivot to another goal.
Strategies to evaluate goal progress and determine next steps:
Have you given it sufficient time to implement your goal? Research shows that it takes at least 3 weeks to form a new habit, depending on the goal.
How do you evaluate whether you have achieved your goal? Are there other markers of success you have not yet considered?
From your experience so far, is your solution adequately addressing your challenge or is there another strategy that is more likely to help you to reach your goal?
Be mindful of all-or-nothing and perfectionistic thinking. Even if you didn’t get the promotion, lose the weight, or save enough for the trip, what did you learn in the process? Perhaps you met an interesting person who introduced you to another opportunity? Maybe you got something out of the experience and you just don’t know it yet. Nothing is a waste. Every action (big or small) counts. Be patient, flexible, and self-compassionate.
Great work! How do you feel now after exploring those 4 Common Barriers to Change? Remember, you don’t have to address all your stuck points at once. Start with the one that speaks to you the most at present, so you can continue to take steps toward your meaningful goals.
If you want a deeper dive into your particular barriers, I offer Occupational Performance Coaching to help you set specific goals and implement action into your everyday life. Some of the questions in this blog come from OPC, an evidence based intervention. Learn more about the benefits of OPC here.
What’s included in a 1:1 coaching session with me?
1) 50-minutes live support (in-person or virtual)
2) Step by step questions to help you envision, act on, and evaluate your goal, plus generalize your learning to future challenges
3) Worksheets that make it easier to organize your thoughts and execute a specific Goal Action Plan.
4) Special promo coaching rate ($99 + HST) until December 20, 2024
Are you ready to start the goal process? I’m with you!